Daddy Issues

How Unhealthy Daddy Issues Ruin Your Sex Life_by Eric Gichuru

Ever heard the phrase, ‘Didn’t your daddy give you enough attention when you were you were a kid?’ During this father’s day, I have decided to open a can of worms to address the daddy issues or the father daughter relationships.

You will be amazed to discover the impact your childhood experiences have on you today. Psychology says that almost all of our adult problems can be traced back to the ‘love withheld’ during our childhood.

With that said, it is important to recognize that being a parent is hard, and so is growing up. When these two collide, a storm brews and daddy issues are one of them.

*What are daddy issues?*
This is a term used loosely nowadays to refer to a woman with emotional problems thanks to unhealthy father daughter relationships during her childhood. This could mean that the father was either physically present but not available emotionally or was completely absent in her life.

Though that definition is quite accurate, daddy issues go beyond father daughter relationships. Just like HPV, everyone has some kind of daddy issues or mommy issues if you like.

Your parents had the greatest impact on who you are today including your love life. This is because during your formative years they had absolute power over you.

As such, a daddy issue can be termed as; facing emotional and mental obstacles in your current love life due to a strained relationship with your father.

It Has Far-Reaching Effects Than You Actually Think
According to Barbara Greenberg, a PhD clinical psychologist, an unhealthy relationship with your father has deep negative impacts.

*How does it affect your esteem?*
If a girl witnesses her mother being repeatedly abused by the father, it is likely to mess her up in a million ways. One of them is her self-esteem.

The girl grows knowing that women are supposed to tolerate abuse just like her mother does. We all have a friend that has been battered for years both physically and emotionally by her man, yet she never leaves.

*How does it affect your sex life?*
They say that the dad is the girl’s, first love. He indirectly teaches her through his actions how to love and to be loved. If he doesn’t shower her with enough love or neglects her, she grows up with deep seated feelings of inadequacy.

As such, in your adult relationships, you will be always craving for more love from your partner. You cannot handle being single; you always have to be dating someone to feel loved and complete.

Others unconsciously settle for a spouse similar to a parent in terms of age, maturity, and character to rekindle the lost Daddy’s love. That’s why some girls fall in love with men their father’s age.

*How Does It Affect The Choice Of Your Partner?*
If your father is alcoholic, you are more likely to marry an alcoholic man? The same trend prevails with the other vices. According to Ken Page, a professional psychologist, girls with daddy issues are often attracted to the daddy type or rather a man who has similar characteristics to their dad.

They tend to date abusive men just like their dads are because they think that it is normal for men to be abusive because it happened in their home.

It is a vicious cycle; you tend to settle for a partner who will disappoint just like your father did. In other instances, your own subtle actions force even the good men to disappoint you.

*What If You Meet A Good Man?*
The most worst thing about daddy issues is the failure to recognize good when you get it. You often dismiss good men as ‘Nice Guys’ because they don’t depict the emotional volatility, conflict, and fighting you are used to. You tend to think of them as weak; an absolute turn off for you.

*Men Too have Daddy issues*
When boys see their fathers neglect and treat their mothers badly, they assume that’s how men are supposed to be. So when they grow up, they become abusive and irresponsible just like their fathers.

Moreover, lack of attention from a father figure causes internal conflict due to the yearning to be loved by a father figure. As such, you might have problems with authority and always fell like you are in competition with other men.

*How Do You Cope With Daddy Issues?*
Sadly, these are here to stay, because they were instilled in us at an early age. However, you can make conscious changes to fix your situation. The first step is noticing and accepting you have a problem.

If you are raised in a chaotic family setting, take a look at healthy families and learn from them. Always question your decisions and feelings when it comes to partner choices so as to stop dating men who are like your daddy. See a counselor if you deem it necessary.

*What about the instances of inappropriate father daughter relationships?*

This can include physical abuse, sexual abuse, and emotional abuse. These are beyond the realms of daddy issues, so the above quick fix DYI solution won’t do. These cause deep seated emotional trauma, and feelings of guilt, anger, and worthlessness that can only be healed through years of consistent counseling.

The bottom line is that you need to break the vicious cycle, else, you will pass the baton of daddy or mommy issues to your children

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