Choose One Buy 5

Choose One free Buy Five


You have been to Ardams Arcade lately right? I hit that place often. It happens I pass through there even when I least expect. I pass there on my way to my dig. I pass there aboard my usual routines and especially Saturdays. Point is I am in Ardams Arcade most of the time. Deep inside towards the expansive Kibra, there is Toy Market. I have never stepped foot inside the Toy market despite the many times I have planned to. But I hear that market is huge on second hand stuff. Resolution 2017 check, Check check!

This gone Saturday I happened to be at the Ardams Arcade. I was coming from the Green Mall finding my way to Jamhuri Estate through that road that bypasses the Winners Chapel then transcends through Woodley estate feeding onto Ngong road with an earlier diversion that leads into Jamhuri from around where CITAM Woodley is situated. Just before Uchumi Ardams there is an encroaching open air Market. That market stocks mostly fashion wears; shoes, dresses and the likes. Sorry, we have gone too far. Where were we? Ardams Open air Market outside Uchumi. Yes, some boys had creatively erected a crusade like platform. On top of it a heap of second hand dresses was mounted. A number of them stood on top then countless of them heaved around the platform clothes in their hands shouting their voices out. Boys just coming out of teenage hood. Boys out in the sun to make a living. Boys determined to make it count. Boys who chose not to be defined by their situational circumstances. Boys who had come together with a common goal. Boys who most probably have put their hands on countless other hustles that may or may not have succeeded. Boys whose only way of putting food on table was shouting their voices out for buyers’ attention. Boys who wake up dress up and head to the same place to do the same thing in the same way and earn probably the same amount. Boys who are not bored by routine. Boys who found joy in doing what they were doing. Boys who date or perhaps who don’t date. Boys who tell their girlfriends that are going to work. Boys whose girlfriends don’t care what they do for a living but still love them anyway. Boys whose girlfriends ask what they do for a living and they put up a brave face and answer “I own and run a ‘boutique’ in Ardams Arcade. A group of boys who perhaps took up loans to put up road side business to make a living then pay off the loans. Boys who perhaps started off as a boy only Chama and progressed into selling second hand clothes as an income generating activity. Boys who may be send their mummies some cash out of their hustle.

So someone once said people are so fond of ‘free’ offers. So much that even if you were to sell the left-foot shoe at five thousand bob and give the right-foot shoe for free, everyone will buy from you and ignore the next seller who puts up his pair of shoes at Five thousand bob (without an offer!) Our boys must have overheard this for over and over they shouted “choose one free buy five! Choose one free buy five! Choose one free buy five!” That trick worked for that place was rained by girls. Girls not men. I mean show me a man who buys dresses not unless they are the types who are forced to carry handbags in town hanging from their left hands. Of course what was on sale was girls dresses and that’s why girls milled round that place. Girls who had come to Ardams Arcade purposely to buy dresses. Girls who had been to be passing through and happened to see dresses and inched closer. Girls who were poised to buy. Girls who were just chasing time by checking at what was on offer. Girls who were comparing the dresses with their bulging wardrobes. Girls who buy dresses every day. Girls who work to buy dresses. Girls who phoned their boyfriends to say “borrow me some money I need to get some dress from Ardams Arcade” Girls who don’t have boyfriends. Girls who are from the Miss independent generation. Girls who listen to hip-hop. Girls who go to church and those too who don’t go to church. Girls who were attracted by the color of the dresses. Girls who will pick five. Girls who will pick none. Girls who in the middle of buying will phone their girlfriends and tell them about the clothes they are buying. Girls who put their pictures on instagram. Girls who don’t know what the hell instagram is. Girls who were attracted by the crowd of other girls milling to buy. Girls who were attracted by the buy five get one free offer. Girls who whose attention was drawn by the shouting boys. Girls who came just to have the company of boys because well, one of the boys might put his best foot forward and tell her “You have a nice smile” (even if he will not intend to mean his words) and that will make her day!

Everyone wants to wake up and do something out of the ordinary that will make them brag to their friends and feel good about themselves. For these boys I think that for them was shouting “Choose one buy five” all day. For the girls I think what makes them feel good and brag to their friends is buying dresses from a group of boys who shout “Choose one but five” all day. And for me it is telling you about boys who shout “Choose one buy five” all day and girls who buy from boys who shout “Choose one buy five” all day. Am left thinking that what will make you feel good and brag to your friends about it is you knowing of some chap who writes about boys who shout “choose one buy five” all day and girls who buy from boys who shout “Choose one buy five” all day. See everybody gets to brag to their friends and feel better about themselves. I am like a beacon of light, radiating douchy bragginess out into the world, uplifting one person at a time_ like an Oprah for dickheads. You get to brag! And you get to brag! And you get to brag!



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